ASK ANDROID LANDERS
TITLE: Ask Android Landers, Advice for the Lovelorn
FEEDBACK INFO:
starshadow AT starshadow DOT net
AUTHOR: Starshadow
PAIRING: K/S
RATING: G
SUMMARY: Got some inspiration after Kira asked for more. Mildly Humorous.
DISCLAIMER: Paraborg/Viaborg,owns the characters. No infringement intended, no money being made, nothing. They own it. I don't.
BETA: Nobody this time
Ask Android Landers, Advice for the Lovelorn
Dear Ms. Landers,
I write to you with a dilemma, one I am at a loss
to solve. Some time ago, I became aware of...feelings...for my
employer. There are some problems with
this. One is that I am a Vulcan. My employer is Human. As a Vulcan, you're aware
that I must control emotions and emotional attachments. Another is
that, while liasons among employees are not against regulations, they are
not encouraged between junior and senior staff. Both of these obstacles could be
overcome if discretion is maintained.
However, there is a third. I do not know if my employer returns these
feelings, and I am loathe to potentially permanently disrupt what has been,
hitherto, an efficient and mutually satisfying working and personal
relationship. Not being accustomed to emotions, I am turning to you in hopes
you can tell me whether there is a way to broach this subject without destroying
what we now have, if, in fact, these feelings are not mutual?
Please sign me,
"Silent Scientist".
Dear
Silent,
If your boss hasn't shown you any indication by now, chances are they aren't
there, or they're being kept under wraps to preserve decorum. If your job is
important to you, I'd advise you to not push it. It's not a good idea to mix
work and romance. Unless, of course, you're near the end of that cycle you
Vulcans hate to talk about. In that case, there's nothing to lose. Mate or
die, right? Plan a romantic dinner, with wine--humans like alcohol, since it
lowers their inhibitions--and just ask. Let me know how it goes. I care.
Android Landers.
Dear
Android Landers,
I'm writing to ask your advice. There's this really good looking Vulcan who
works for me. We met some years ago when he was assigned to my department.
We seemed to hit it right off---we work really well together, and that's
important, because in our line of work we have to have each others' backs. I
trust him implicitly. Furthermore, we play chess together regularly and have
developed a friendship. He often seems to know what I'm thinking. But I've come
to realize I want more. That's different for me. I've never had any
romantic interest in another man, if you know what I mean. I've never had any
trouble getting dates, but I've never really wanted to settle
down--until now.
But I can't tell whether he's interested or not. I don't want to ruin what we
have now. How do I break through that Vulcan reserve to find out without
totally freaking him out if he's not interested? I don't want to pressure him. I
could go on without anything more, if that's all he wants. But I
don't really know. Any advice?
Sign me,
"Farm Boy in Love"
Dear
Farm Boy,
I don't think I need to tell you how dangerous to morale romances can be in the
workplace. I suggest you take some cold showers, and keep it to
yourself. That is, unless you find out your Vulcan friend and employee is near
the Pon Farr cycle. Look it up. But be discreet.
If he is, all bets are off. It's do or die. In that case, just ask. But be
prepared with plenty of lube. And do your asking in private. Vulcans don't
like to talk about sex. Believe it or not, it embarrasses the whole species.
Let me know how it goes. I care.
Sincerely,
Android Landers.
Dear
Android Landers,
I'm just an old country doctor, but I think I'm out of my depth here. I work for
some mighty fine folks. Let me just say they've been known as the
finest--and the boss and his second have been casting cow eyes at each other for
months. It's bad for morale. Neither of 'em will talk to the other about
it, and I'm at my wits end. Let me tell you, without giving anything away,
sometimes it's life or death and we all have to be able to work together. But
one of these guys is a Vulcan, and you know how they are. The other
won't say anything either, and so far they're still efficient, but God alone
knows how long that will last. Pardon my language. Anyway, if you have any
advice on how to bring these two together, I'd like to hear it. Neither of 'em
will listen to me.
Sign me,
Country Doctor
Dear
Doc,
I'm enclosing under seperate cover a formula guaranteed to bring on Pon Farr in
Vulcan males, but without the attendant health risk of the real thing. I
suggest you set both of them up with dinner and wine, and spike the Vulcan's
food--chances are he won't drink the wine. Then let nature take its course.
Don't worry--though you forgot to encode your address, your secret is safe
with me. Let me know how it goes.
Sincerely,
Android Landers.